Home After the War

by Living in Yellow

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

      name your price

     

1.
2.
3.
00:12
4.
5.
6.
03:45
7.
00:21
8.
9.
03:53
10.
11.
00:09
12.

about

This is a collection of songs I wrote during the year I lived in Chicago. When I moved there, I left behind the pain of the past and focused on the hope of my future in the city. This album is about love, and sadness, and change.

credits

released November 22, 2016

HUGE thanks to Hippy Hollow for recording my music and for providing me with a beautiful space and a beautiful crowd.

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Living in Yellow Lowell, Massachusetts

Hello! My name is Heather Hotham, and thank you for checking out my music!

I write lots of songs about lots of things.

From NH, moved to Chicago, now living in Lowell!

My new project is coming soon! My more recent music is on my sound cloud: Living in Yellow

Thanks and enjoy!
... more

contact / help

Contact Living in Yellow

Streaming and
Download help

Track Name: Ottarnic Pond
It's peaceful out here
Lord knows I need this
And I don't want to live like this anymore
And I don't deserve to live like this anymore

I need peace out here
Lord knows I need this
And I don't deserve to live like this anymore
Track Name: The Pragmatist
This here's a simple song to sing some words and right some wrongs
and to tell you how I feel
It might sound kinda stupid, it is kinda stupid,
but that doesn't mean it's not worth singing

Move along, fair-weathered friend,
I'll be okay in the end,
or stay, and I'll pretend not to give two shits
And when you're feeling down, remember to frown,
cuz that's just how life is sometimes.

I think you'd look really great standin' by my side,
but that's also kinda trivial
and if you're scared, know I'm also scared,
but all humans get scared, and we're kinda dumb about it

So move along, fair-weathered friend,
I'll be okay in the end,
or stay, and I'll pretend not to give two shits
And when you're feeling down, remember to frown,
cuz that's just how life is sometimes

[Whistle solo!!!]

I'm a big cry baby with too much love in my heart
and I always forget to keep things in perspective
love is kinda stupid, and kisses are also kinda stupid,
and I'm stupid for even writing this song about you

So move along, fair-weathered friend
I'll make myself okay in the end
even though I'll really miss your company
The future is untold, the past is getting old,
and the present, well,
I don't know what I expected.
Track Name: East Coast Thoughts
It's taking all my fucking self control to keep from pushing you away
writing songs that sound as if you wrote them to keep my heart at bay
it's a quarter to one on a Sunday night,
and I'm sweatin' off the sleep
tryna' make up rhymes to pass the time that I can hardly keep
oh, won't you sing me to sleep

My mind's a mess, my thought's a blur,
and nothin' sounds too good,
but I'm smokin' squares at 3am
regardless of whether I should
last Saturday, you were miles away, but you crept up on me fast
I still pretend I'm just a good friend just to try to make it last
oh, I don't think I'll last.
Track Name: Spring Cleaning
Waitin' for you to come home
who knew it'd take this long?
Can't read the maps and road signs nearly right
when you've got somebody to hold you tight

Maybe we're just too young for our own good
makin' messes just like we should
maybe I'm just a mess,
but you're cleanin' up the rest
spring cleanin' at it's best

Money spent on caffeine and that burnin' nicotine
breathe you into my soul
oh your lovin', sweet lovin' is all I know

Maybe we're just too reckless for our own good
makin' messes just like we should
maybe I'm just a mess,
but you're cleanin' up the rest
spring cleanin' at it's best

You scare me
like the future does a boy
like a candle does to night
you flicker in and out of sight
"you" is all I can write
my heart won't bite, so

Too bad you're just too damn careful for your own good
runnin' away just like you think you should
it's a shame you're lettin' go,
fear's a friend, oh, don't you know
didn't your father tell you so?

Too bad we're just too young for our own good
fallin' in love just like we should
too bad I'm not really a mess
just hard to read, so take a guess
spring cleaning at it's best
I'm trying my best
Track Name: Give It Time
Running off in the dark
leaving us to guess your part
driveway smokes at 4am
wondering what we did again
up and out and on the road
we've got no place to go
so we'll drive all the way to hell and back
with nothing but our wits and the clothes on our backs

Sitting down and freaking out
learning what we're all about
"I don't know and I don't care"
won't get you anywhere
you're asleep at the wheel
trying hard to fucking feel like you're living
the dominoes collapse, all the chains are broken
some things are not better left unspoken

We can't sleep until we're free
Freedom ain't free
You are not freedom to me

Stomach twisted into knots
vision blurred with blackened spots
where could you fucking be?
the answer is beyond me
you were high, I was low
now we're both just fucking slow
so we cling to our dreams like real sensations
while we kill our hearts with anticipations

You are not freedom to me
Freedom ain't free
You are not freedom to me

Waking up all alone
you're still not home

This is the waiting song
I've waited all along

So cut to the chase, don't waste my time
The hours pass, but I'll be fine
Track Name: Living in Yellow
You are art
you are art
in my heart
on the walls of my ventricals
tear them down
tear them down

Let me in
we can sin
fuck me hard
in the car we slept in
please, don't go
please, don't go

I am happy finally
let's clean up
all the debris
you can trust me
life may be a game,
but that doesn't mean our fates are all the same

We are bad, and we are trying
we are young, and we are crying
we are scared, and we are dying to pretend
we are broke, and we are healing
we are sick, and we are feeling
my head is reeling once again
once again

This is real, and we are alive
you are electric inside
what a way to decide what to say
sex is good, the room is spinning
this is just the beginning
fuck life's game, we are winning
oh, what a day
what do you say?
what do you say?
Track Name: To Be Honest
I scared you away
but I want you to stay
and why didn't you say
that my words made you decay?

We're buckled on bridges and hopes
pretending that that's all she wrote

I walked by your house
filled with phantom kisses and doubts
we're fading, we're going nowhere
I could fix it, but who's supposed to care?

I always do this.
If I could've gotten you to speak,
if I could've twisted those thoughts out of you
then I know I could've worked my way out of this,
but you wouldn't.
And all along, I was trying to decide
if it was okay to hold your hand
or if you wanted me like I wanted you.
But you wouldn't.
You wouldn't look at me, you wouldn't talk,
you wouldn't speak.
You just stood there, and breathed, and waited.
And by the time we reached the lake,
bracing the fresh water winds,
standing in the silence,
drowning with the tides,
I knew
I wanted to jump for you.

I scared you away,
but do you think you could stay?
Track Name: Oh My Soul, Won't You Settle?
You heard my voice when no one else would
and I'm scared to death
you sang me to sleep when the spout of my lullabies ran dry
oh, I hate goodbyes

Throwin' stones at broken dreams
are you really as lovely as you seem?
I can't find a way to say I hope it's you who stays

And when the lights go out,
will it be you and me?
Oh, we'll see
I am petrified of living with or without your love
Oh, soul searcher, I think you've found me

Oh, I can't sleep
Please don't hate me
I know all the secrets you tell
Here I go, diving for quarters in wishing wells

Oh, I know you stranger
no longer a stranger
not to you, and not to me
damaged goods no real human should keep

To the alien, from the freak:
thank you for hearing me.
Track Name: Lakeside Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep
and I pray the Lord my soul do not keep
cuz every time I close my eyes, I see you smile
and I wouldn't mind not waking up for a while

I lose my mind every time
I know I try too hard
and I'm wasting life just sitting by and falling apart
I wonder why I can't decide if I should stay
don't be surprised when I don't believe you when you say
it'll be okay

To think of you, it makes me blue,
and I'm going insane
and I'm sick and tired,
I'm sick and tired of the same old thing

It's hard to eat, it's hard to sleep,
and I know you're why
don't be surprised when I don't believe you when you say
it's not goodbye

Oh Lord, you're why
I'm wishing on Lakeshore Drive
Oh, Lord, don't wake me this time.